Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Men's Wallets

I got a request to do a post on men's wallets, and since all of my guy friends are too lazy to shop for themselves (and I'm looking for any reason not to study for midterms) here are a few options:

Really, guys don't have to try too hard with wallets. It's more about what's inside the wallet, if you know what I'm saying. My only stipulation is that it should be leather, or some leather-like material, and have lots of little pockets to hide condoms in.

If you're not a trust fund baby, you can still impress the ladies if you go for a wallet with a label's signature print that'll be recognizable to girls who read Lucky. I like this Coach one because it's subtle enough that other dudes won't think you're lame and you probably (but not definitely) won't get thrown through the window of a dive bar when you whip it out. The Coach Heritage Stripe Double Billfold is $148.

Slightly but not terribly amusing side story: when I met my best friend's boyfriend the three of us went to lunch, and I noticed that his wallet had the Louis Vuitton logo on the outside of it. After he left, I said to her, "This is a weird question, but is your boyfriend really rich?" Apparently the LV wallet was a fake, and also maybe someone gave it to him, but I really liked the idea that he's been using it with no idea what the LV print is kind of a thing.

Going a little cheaper is this Cole Haan croc embossed wallet, $51 (on sale from $85 on Bluefly!). The worn-in leather, the metal stud-- this is a badass wallet. I like the flip-out ID flap, too.

Is it me or do most men's wallets not have coin purses? I guess men always have pockets to put their change in. But this Flyby International Traveler wallet, $45, from Fossil has one. They called it a "snap coin holder," and I'm imaging the giant brainstorming session that went on to come up with an alternate phrase for the femme-y "coin purse." Also, the marbleized texture of the leather is pretty cool.

Speaking of cool, this wallet from Urban Outfitters is called the Fonz Wallet, $22. From the outside it looks like a totally boring wallet, but then you pop it open and see those sweet criss-cross card holders and the check billfold lining. That Fonz always did have a surprise in his back pocket. This wallet also comes in black, but the lining in that one has a lot more pink and kind of looks like the tablecloth your grandma will put on the kid's table at your big family Easter dinner.

UO has another wallet that I want to include just because of the name. This is the Obey Dirty Work wallet, $35, so it should be perfect for that guy you know who always has dead hookers in the back of his car. But it seems like, with the fake vintage logo and the paint splatters and the freaking guitar pick holders inside, this wallet is just trying way too hard. Just like Norm MacDonald! This is one of those things that might be ok to use if you found it in a trunk of your dad's old stuff from his hippie days and it still smelled like clove cigarettes, but when you buy it from Urban Outfitters it's not acceptable.

Finally, if I were a guy, I would just forgo a wallet altogether and use a badass money clip. Preferably from Tiffany, with something engraved on it like "The OG," and it'll be a gift from the Mob elders when I finally get "made" (I obviously watched Goodfellas last week, and it helped temper my dislike of all things Scorsese. But I felt it didn't do a good enough job of describing how someone becomes "made." I figured out from context clues that it isn't getting shot in the back of the head in someone's rec room, to sounds of the guitar solo in Layla. Is it a ceremony, like a baptism or the ritual Wormtail performed to bring Voldemort back? Or do they just sit you down, shake your hand, give you a money clip, and say, "Congratulations, now you're made." It's really bothering me that I don't know this). Then I'll pay for everything in cash, hand out $100 tips to the car park guy, and do a lot of snorting of certain substances. The classic silver money clip from Tiffany is $95, which will be chump change when I become part of the Mob.


Tim said...

Yayy dead hookers! The coach pattern is a bit much for me, I'm liking the Fonz. And as much as I agree, money clips are wicked cool, they just don't hold nearly enough stuff. I can't put cash, credit cards, school ID, driver's license, insurance cards, etc, all inside my money clip and expect it to be easy getting them out and putting them back. Ya know?

Ryan said...

Tim is wrong. Actually, not so much wrong as carries around too much crap in his wallet.
When I got to the end and saw you brought up money clips, I was quite relieved because it would've been quite the omission. In defense of money clips, many are designed to hold around 5 cards along with your fat stacks of cash. But it's really too many anyways, since all one should need is their id and their amex black.

Also, I am sorry to say but I was pretty disappointed with the selection of wallets you presented. I, too, am not a fan of the Coach one, the blue and tan make it too tropical; so I guess I am saying it's okay if you're in Hawaii.
Most of these are also bigger than I'd like as well, but then, I like my accessories sleek and functional (as previously seen with my choice in sports watch)
Side note: my parents gave me a very nice italian leather wallet, with the snap coin holder (maybe it's a European thing?) and it is very nice, but again, it is too big so I tend to leave it in my desk.

Julia York said...

Both Tim and Ryan are wrong: all you need in your money clip is a fat stack of hundred dollar bills. IDs are for the proletariat.

Ryan said...

why not sacks with dollar signs painted on them then?

Andrea Winslet said...

Is this the second or third time that you have mentioned condom pockets in a blog post on dude things?

Also, Julia is right. ID is unnecessary in the ideal money-clip situation. You only need to bark "Do you know who I am?!!?" at people, and they will know. Anyone who doesn't is shot on sight.

Julia York said...

Andrea, this is why I miss you like whoa. (And hey, safe sex is important! I just don't want any of my friends getting tied to some golddigger for 18 years, you know what I mean?)

Tampa Web Design said...

I've always wanted to get the bad mother fucker wallet from Pulp Fiction, but I'm not sure I have the stuff to pull it out. What if old people are buying something next to me? lol