Thursday, March 6, 2008

Breaking News!

It's been a long, cold February, but Mindy Kaling has finally updated her blog, Things I've Bought That I Love. If this blog has a mother, it's TIBTIL. Well, maybe a more accurate analogy is that this blog is like the child with a slutty single mom who doesn't want to tell us who the father is, and she's like, "Uh, your dad is Bob Barker" so we spend our whole lives plotting ways to get on The Price is Right so we can finally met our father, and finally he has to take out a restraining order and we end up in padded rooms mumbling about Showcase Showdown. (Note: this was a plotline on How I Met Your Mother, except that Barney ended up going on the show and making his "dad" very proud, and it was all very heartwarming.)

But anyway, Mindy Kaling's latest post, on lip gloss, was worth the wait. She's so right
about lipstick aging you, and I can't wait to go to the Carol's Daughter store in Fort Greene to get some lip gloss!

Also, can I say that I think it's criminal that Mindy Kaling isn't featured in Vanity Fair's Women in Comedy issue? I love Jenna Fischer to death, but Mindy Kaling is 50 times funnier! She writes and acts and does stand-up and writes a hilarious blog! Mindy Kaling is a comedy goddess, and she's left out in favor of Sandra Bernhardt? Whatever, Vanity Fair. I want Mindy Kaling to blog about this egregious oversight and then maybe Vanity Fair will make a Mindy Kaling in Comedy issue to right this wrong. Keep your fingers crossed.

In order to celebrate Mindy Kaling in our own small way, may I present...

Mindy Kaling's Top 10 Best Blog Entries:
11. Summer 2007 Cute Awards: "I almost want to say mean things about Justin Timberlake, his reign as Prime Minister of Cool has been too unsullied. I get that a guy can sing in perfect falsetto, hip-hop dance and play the piano at the same time. But he does it in a fucking three piece suit. I'm worried a little about Justin though. What if he gets assassinated? He's got to be the plummest target to al-Qaeda type terrorists. Certain people, like Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Simon, Oprah, JT...these are national treasures. Anyway, I hope he lives to be on the Summer Cute Awards 2008."

10. Adorable Guys Rock Purple: "My friend Vali is famously a total jerk no one likes, but he wears this one pink shirt and all of a sudden all is forgiven."

9. All About Grandmothers: "I have given my grandmother "Pride & Prejudice" in every conceivable form there is: book, unabridged book, audio tape, DVD starring Colin Firth, DVD starring Keira Knightley, novelization of the Keira Knightley movie. Well no, I didn't give her that. But I would if it existed."

8. Oh my god you guys (Golden Globes update): "People yell "Big smile Jennifer!" and it's like they're shouting nonsense words at this stony-faced Aztec princess. Her husband/handler Marc Anthony just looked so Rats of Nimh compared to her."

7. Strike!: "Remember radio comedies during the Depression? I don't, I'm not even sure the radio was invented then, but I'm pretty sure it was. And what would those sockless Depression-era Americans have done without the bathtub song stylings of Radio Joe or whatever? I'm like those guys. This country was founded on debt. We need debt to thrive and stuff (This is my cursory understanding of what debt is from my high school Econ class)."

6. The Conair Handheld Steamer: "I'm leaving for New York tomorrow and wasn't going to bring my favorite yellow silk BeBe dress (yeah, I shop at bebe sometimes. Me and a bunch of 14 year old girls, and young Persian moms!) but thanks to my little steamer, I can totally throw the dress in my carry-on, let it get all wrinkly and gross, then steam the shit out of it in New York, put on jeans, lip gloss, my tunic, some heels, and be at Da like 20 minutes. Drunk in 35! Yaaaayy!!!"

5. American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Boy Brief: "Sunday Morning Fantasy #27 looks like this: Park Slope, Brooklyn. I am reading the Times Book Review and eating granola and fruit in these underwear and a tank top at my kitchen table with Pharell, my boyfriend. We argue whether George Saunders is funnier in fiction or non-fiction (I say fiction, by a factor of 10. Pharrell disagrees, he loves his journalism.). The arguing really begins to escalate until our good friend Ryan McGinley arrives and persuades us to go to BAM with him. Both Ryan and Pharrell agree that my underwear is adorable."

4. The Arcade Fire at the Hollywood Bowl: "How fucking cool am I for going to this concert? First of all, every single acquaintance, friend, co-worker, foe, or guy I've ever dated or had a crush on was at this concert. Gene, who was also there, aptly said "I have never seen so many white people in one place at one time". It would add that the audience could also have passed as the International Urban Outfitters Salespeople Convention."

3. Christian Louboutin: "f I am going to spend more than $500 on a pair of shoes, you better believe it's gonna be a fucking extension of my womanhood. And you guys, they are. They frickin are. With their signature fuck-me red insoles and whimsical styles, you can tell a Louboutin from the rest of the designer bunch."

2. Silver Lake: "See, now I feel myself growing scared. Will a mean/brilliant dude from Vice Magazine mock this? Is Echo Park actually "Williamsburg west"? Or Glendale? Oh god. Sometimes I'm more scared of mean verbose hipsters than I am of like, Muslim fundamentalists."

1. Things that I will buy that I will love: New York edition: "Now I feel incredibly guilty for having spent so much money. I better go work on my spec screenplay, the third installment of the "Ghostbusters" movies - with a girl-power update, starring Amy Poehler, Zooey Deschanel, Amber Tamblyn and myself - called "I Ain't Afraid A'No Ghost". I need to sit in a diner and write all afternoon. So I go to Veselka."

I basically just picked this list at random, since every single entry is good enough to be on a Best Of Mindy Kaling list. But if I missed one of your favorites, ("crazy magic god powder", anyone?) list it in the comments.

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