I'm signing up for the Cult of True Womanhood, hardcore, if it means I get to go shopping in the home section of Anthropologie.
1. The Apron
How badly do I wish this was a dress? I would totally wear it if it wasn't backless. But since it's not a dress, I'll be forced to cook and bake constantly just to get to put it on. Can't you just imagine me, in this Georgia Apron, $32, pulling a sheet of sugar cookies out of the oven?
You might say, oh, blinds are more practical. But every true domestic goddess must have at least a few sets of fantastic curtains in her home, just in case she has to either fashion a dress for herself in order to visit a charming rogue in jail and convince him to give her money to save Tara, or to fashion a set of outfits for 6 Austrian brats (I wouldn't make any clothes for Gretl, though, because she's useless) in which they will be able to flee from Nazis. Am I right? I think these Spiral Vine curtains, $98, in green and ochre, would be perfect for either situation.
3. The Soap Dish
I'll know I've made it as a lady when I have guest towels and fancy soap that I'll put out when company comes, and then yell at my henpecked husband for using and getting all wet. And then I'll know I've really, really made it when I have different sets of guest towels and fancy soap for each season and holiday. This'll be my "spring" soap dish, post-St. Patrick's Day and pre-Cinco de Mayo. The Rouen soap dish is $16, and also comes in green with peacocks!
4. The Garden Pot
I can't decide whether I'll grow flowers or spices in this pot. It'd be great to be able to tell my dinner guests, "Yes, I seasoned this with oregano fresh from my garden," but also, I really like looking at tulips and I would be able to say, "Yes, I made this centerpiece with flowers fresh from my garden." That's why I'll need two Shadow Vines Garden Pots, $248.
I want candlesticks that make people ask, "Are these heirlooms?" or "Did you find these at some great flea market?" or "Did you pick these up on your travels across the globe?" And I'll say yes, and hope they don't get the Anthropologie catalog. These glass Sarzana candlesticks are $18 each.
6. The Fainting Sofa
I'm going to need this whenever my children do something shocking, like leave the house without their bonnets tied, and I'll start swooning from shock and have to lie down until someone gets my smelling salts. Or, alternatively, I can lie on it in my fur trimmed sheer robe and silk chemise while a boy in a toga hand feeds me grapes. The Antoinette Fainting Sofa is $575, and I'm breaking my Anthropologie theme (this is from Urban Outfitters) just because this sofa is awesome.
Now I just need to learn how to cook, sew, clean and garden. Luckily, I already know how to light a candle (I'm titling my memoir I was a Child Pyro) and lie around on a sofa (the sequel to my memoir will be called God I Love Naps).