Weekend Shopping Review

It's been particularly blustery in New York lately, and I'm personally suffering from a monster cough that's causing my roommates to call out "Julia, don't die!" across the apartment. So it is little wonder that when I venture out into the drizzle and wind, I want something soft to snuggle up in?

I bought this softest pullover hoodie, $49.50, at the Gap yesterday, which would have made a nice addition to my post on Adult Hoodies. It really is incredibly soft, and the fabric is satisfyingly heavy without being bulky or suffocating. I also love the longer length-- it's almost a tunic, which always makes me feel more luxurious. This is a sweater that'll work anywhere: with pajamas on the couch, over a basic black dress at the office, with jeans and a nice cami for dinner. And the red color couldn't be more ideal for the holiday season. I'll probably wear it on Christmas morning with my favorite red and green plaid flannel pajama bottoms!

Speaking of Christmas, I'm about 80% sure that this reversible robe, $68, will be on my list. One side is light blue jersey (good for throwing on over my pj's when I need a little more coverage or warmth) and the other is super-soft white terry (good for putting on after showering when I don't want to get dressed).

At the Gap I also tried on the black ruffled strapless dress I posted about on Friday-- it was too tight in the chest but too lose in the hips, and I looked a Christmas tree. Poorly played, Gap. However, I did think the blue color it also comes in looks much better in person than it does online, so there's one plus.

I also went to H&M yesterday. Can I just say how much I hate that you can't shop H&M online, because it makes blogging about it so much harder. Photos and links are the funnest part, right? My descriptive powers just don't do clothes justice, but I'll try. I ended up buying a simple navy blue cotton tank dress, empire waist with white stars on the top portion (very patriotic). It was $10, and I think it'll be perfect for when I take a late-afternoon shower and then don't want to get dressed for real (I hate the feel of jeans on freshly lotioned skin), but feel that it's a little early to put on my pajamas. This dress will perfectly fill the position of clean-but-lazy uniform for now, and when spring arrives and I can wear it with metallic sandals and a ponytail and be effortlessly adorable.

But there was another tank dress I tried on, a way nicer one. It was black, empire waist (I realized that the reason I'm so obsessed with empire waist dresses is that my torso is sort of oddly proportioned, and my real waist is higher than any on a wrap dress or belted top. The empire waist is way easier to match to my body, as long as there's room for my chest), with a satin top with three black buttons down the chest and thicker, matte fabric for the skirt. I put it on and immediately knew it was way too small to buy (advice: never go to H&M, where everything is sized cruelly, after going to the Gap, where everything is sized generously. Not only will you take all the wrong sizes into the dressing room, but you'll feel like a heifer). I could zip it up, but I could barely breath and there was no way I'd be able to sit down. And yet... it looked hot. And the fabric on the skirt was so forgiving that you couldn't tell how tight it was; it didn't get all creased and stretched across the hips like most small dresses do. Despite the fact that it made me look surprisingly skinny, I knew I had to go get the next size up. But when I went back into the store, there was a girl (about my size, maybe a little bigger) browsing the same dress, and she took two before moving away. I swooped in, but, of course, my size was gone. Bitch! I considered following her around until she went into the dressing room and then grabbing her rejects, but decided to just come back later.

Our next stop was Victoria's Secret. The friend I was shopping with had both a VS coupon and a new boy toy, so she had way more motivation to buy some lacey new undergarments than I did. I wasn't in the mood to try anything on, but I couldn't resist their Beauty Rush colored mascara, 2 for $12. I got it in purple and blue, and while I don't think they'll replace my everyday green mascara from Almay, it's always have to some new makeup to play around with. I was disappointed that it seems like they stopped making their So Sexy shine serum, a hair product I've run out of. After every Victoria's Secret fashion show, I get the urge to buy all their hair products because those supermodels have incredible tresses (in addition to perfect bodies and faces. Sigh.). If I could get my hair to look like Caroline Trentini's, I would be pretty much ready to die happy.

While I didn't buy any lingerie, this bra and garter set did catch my eye. The balconet push-up bra, $34 and garter skirt, $26, isn't as over the top as some of VS's stuff, but it's undeniably glamorous and sexy. I love the stripes on the cups and the scalloped lace edges, and the garter skirt is irresistibly old-fashioned (question: would you still wear panties under that or is the garter itself count as underwear? Questions like this are why I can't have nice lingerie).

I've been wanting to buy something from the Intimissimi line VS carries (I know, such a cheesy Italian name), because it seems a bit younger and is definitely a bit cheaper. I'm obsessed with this plaid plunging push-up bra, $29.50 and matching bikini, $14.50. How genius is it to put a print typical for flannel jammies on a hot-as-hell push-up bra? (My obsession with plaid is only growing, you guys. Expect a post including a bitching plaid purse sometime this week.) Imagine unwrapping this on Christmas morning, wink wink, nudge nudge. The other thing I like about the Intimissimmi bras is that they all have a little pocket inside each cup, so you can buy these gel inserts, $12.50, for some extra oomph. While I'm normally very happy with my god-given oomph, I rewatched Casino Royale on Friday with three boys and they were hardcore drooling over Eva Green's decolletage. There's no debate that she has an awe-inspiring body, so I think the gel inserts will help make bring me a little closer to the Bond Girl level.

Agent Provocateur Lingerie

Everybody knows about the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale, where you can go buy five pairs of sweatpants for $15 a piece. And that's all well and good, but I prefer the Agent Provocateur sale, where almost everything is 50% off. Just, I must admit, that a bra that is $75 after the giant discount isn't much of a deal. But it's Agent Provocateur, makers of the craziest and sexiest lingerie on the planet, so if you can afford it, it's worth it.

My absolute favorite set is the Gangster, $82 for the bra and $62 for the totally necessary suspender brief. This will be the perfect undergarment for my Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde Halloween costume, although this is really not the sort of lingerie to be worn under anything. The satin pleating on the bra would create some odd bumps under your sweater, but the real point is that you don't hide red hot satin knickers under a sweater. That's just criminal.

The Talma range is obviously inspired by vintage pin-ups, and this is a very sweet, playful way of looking sexy. The fuchsia ribbon accents on the dark navy are way more sophisticated than another made by Victoria's Secret, and in the detail photos you can see that there are mini fuchsia polka dots also. This is the sort of lingerie that needs to be rocked with pin curls and deep red lipstick, and don't forget the fuck-me pumps. The corset is (sigh) $157, the bra is $62, the brief is $30 and the suspender is $40. I'm sort of tempted to splurge on the bra, but I know I would regret not getting the matching panties.

It would be a mistake not to include one of the ranges modeled by Maggie Gyllenhaal, who proves that you don't have to be conventionally beautiful to be an exceptional lingerie model. The Frida range is very girly, with the pink lace trim and multiple bows, but the slight sheen of the grey taffeta fabric is more polished. And I like the ridiculously old-fashioned look of the "waspie," the half-corset around her waist. I'm sure it's very uncomfortable, but if you have some issues with your belly, the waspie will take care of it. I'm assuming it got it's name from the phrase "waist like a wasp," which is a compliment any girl would be happy to receive. The bra is $72, the panties are $32, and the waspie is $72.




This Lara range seems very French to me, although it may just be that this photo suggests a girl tied up to her kitchen table (note the smudges of flour on her arm and stomach), which is something only the French would do. But it could also be that the floral embroidery is so delicate and detailed that it reminds me of toile de jouy.
I really like how the panties have an itty bitty skirt attached, for maximum flirtiness. This is the sort of lingerie you should wear under a totally straight-forward pencil skirt and fitted button-down shirt, so when you peel over your clothes at the end of the night, the reaction will be "Wow... I was not expecting this."

Slips addendum

I realized today that I made an egregious oversight in yesterday's post on slips. I was listing all the reasons slips are both hot, practical and necessary, and I totally forgot the biggest reason you need to wear a slip.

Which is: how many times have you gone to dinner with your boyfriend's family, only to have his father get all coked out and punch your bf, and so you have to break up with him because he's too busy both dealing with his crazy parents and lusting over you sometime best friend/sometime mortal enemy; and then in order to console your newly single self you go visit your boyfriend's best friend, who occasionally likes to date rape girls and always likes to dress like a dandy, at the burlesque club he just convinced his father to buy, and then he says some nice things and gives you some champagne, and before you know it you're up on stage removing your high-necked, very prim dress to reveal...
...one incredibly sexy slip. We've all been there, right? Lord knows I have, more times than I can count. And if it wasn't for my Valentino slip, I would have had to do amateur burlesque totally naked, which makes it not burlesque but stripping.

Plus, when you're done making those pearls around your neck blush at the impropriety, and you want to lose your virginity with your ex-boyfriend's best friend in the back of his limo, there are so many less sleeves and zippers and clasps to worry about!













And that is why you need to wear a slip under your dresses.

PS: In the photo the professional burlesque dancers look all excited at Blair getting up on stage, but don't you think if this were real life they'd be super pissed some underaged tart is hogging the spotlight and not even wearing a corset?