Golden Globes: Part Three

I have opinions on Golden Globe dresses, too! I'll start with some of my favorites.


Laura Linney in Elie Saab: Laura Linney almost always knocks it out of the park; I guess it's easy when you're as preternaturally lovely as she is. The subdued shade of egg yolk yellow was a welcome change from all the beige and tan dresses, and instead of washing her out, the color really compliments her skin tone and hair. The one-shoulder silhouette and band at the waist kind of reminds me of a Valentino dress Cate Blanchett wore to the Oscars a few years ago. While Cate's dress has the advantage of the crimson band (a deeper contrast to the dress, and all around great splash of color), it's also fairly wrinkled and bunched around her ankles. The parallels of satin and limos! The softer fabric of Laura Linney's dress gracefully flows over her curves, towards the red carpet-- and doesn't she actually look sort of comfortable? That's the mark of a great dress.

Jane Krakowski in J.Mendel: Out of the army of women in neutral-colored dresses, Jane Krakowski had my favorite. The one-shoulder strap (enough huge trend) and column is very elegant, a nice change from Jenna Maroney's "I can pass as 27, right?" wear. I love how she doesn't look like she's trying to hard: the makeup and jewelry are relatively subdued, and the loose updo is perfect for the event (glamorous, but not the Oscars, or a Texas Beauty Pagent, cough cough Drew Barrymore). Tina Fey may have gotten to tell all the internet haters to suck it, Tracey Morgan may have gotten to tell Cate Blanchett to deal with the new face of post-racial America, Alec Baldwin may have tried to tell the world that he isn't the world's worst father, but Jane Krakowski got to send a statement of her own: she's totally hot.


Elizabeth Moss in vintage (I believe): I think the reason I love this dress so much is because it's perfectly suited for Peggy, Moss's character on Mad Men. The cap sleeves and cocktail length are youthful and charming, and the chiffon fabric is very fun. That color looks perfect on her, too. Good for her for wearing vintage without looking like she's in costume.

Jenna Fischer in Zuhair Murad: Ok, it's not perfect. The fabric looks a little like a carpet design, sure, but no one else had the guts to wear a print. Plus, the plunging neckline shows off her inspiring rack, and I'm digging the loose ponytail and big earrings. I also really like how Jenna Fischer never shows up looking like Hollywood royalty: she always looks like a Midwestern girl who, through talent and hard work and luck, got a great job on a great show and can hardly believe how fortunate she is to be at any awards show. I'm just sad that she didn't use John Krasinski as arm candy (Ed Helms had that honor).


January Jones in Versace: Emily wasn't a fan of the cut, and I also had some misgivings at first. But then I saw that it had pockets! It's different, and a little bit awkward, but I think she's pulling it off. It helps that January Jones tends to show up in public looking like a hot mess, possibly trying to differentiate herself from her perfectly put together Mad Men character. But here, she embraced the fact that she looks like a star from the golden years of Hollywood.

Her dress leads me into the a discussion of my least favorite dresses, most of which fall into the "fancy napkin" category. You know how you go into a really nice restaurant and the linen napkins are folded in swans and fans and what not? That's what many of the dresses last night reminded me of (if January's dress wasn't blue, you'd be tempted to shake it out and put it on your lap, right?). But then I saw how the Fug Girls described Eva Mendes's dress as having a coffee filter stapled to her hip, and decided that it would also be appropriate to describe these as stapler dresses. I just imagine the designer, looking at the finished dress, and saying to himself, "You know, it's a little dull... where's my stapler? I'm just going to put a staple there, and there, and there, and viola! A needlessly complicated dress?" I guess I'm just not a fan of structural ( or sculptural?) dresses in general-- fabric should drape, fall, swish and float, not be forced into some unnatural, unmoving position.
I do like Eva Mendes's necklace, though. She would have looked great if it weren't for the aforementioned coffee filter. Also, why is Eva Mendes still famous?
I really do not understand that giant ruffle on Kate Beckinsale's neckline. Or how she walks in such an extreme mermaid gown, because damn, it gets quite narrow around the knees.

What is the point of all the folds and creases in America Ferrera's dress? Besides to annoy me? Also, I don't think this is quite the right color for her.

Christina Hendricks, Friedo Pinto, and definitely Cameron Diaz wore stapler dresses, too-- scroll down to Emily's post if you need to refresh your memory.

I do want to cover a bit of the same ground as her, though, with regards to Mary Louise Parker's strapless blue dress. At first I thought, "I like it, but it looks so similar to something I've seen before... has someone already worn this dress to an awards show?" But then I realized that I fell in love with this Carlos Miele dress during last fall's fashion week, and posted about it, too. I guess MLP and I have similar taste in fashion. I just wish we had seen more Monique Lhuiller on the red carpet (I read somewhere that she's one of the designers canceling their Fall 2009 fashion show, which would have taken place in the next few weeks. I'm so disappointed, even though it's not like I'd be going to the runway show and she'll do some sort of presentation that'll get posted online. Still disappointed).


Finally, I'd like to give some props to the men. This category should be so easy, but surprisingly few guys got it right by: shaving, washing their hair, taking off their sunglasses, and generally not looking like a hobo. WTF, Sting, did you just get off a desert island? You're scaring the children!

Simon Baker was my favorite man of the night-- he looks so refined, yet not at all stuffy. Great hair, clean shaven, and I dug the thick black-rimmed glasses he wore at several points during the ceremony. Very dork-inside-a-surfer-god's-body, I think. I sort of wish he had decided to wear one of the hot vests he often rocks on The Mentalist, but I'll forgive him, because I really want to touch his hair.
Speaking of vests, I like how Colin Farrell used plaid to put his own spin on a classic suit. Sure, he isn't clean-shaven, and his hair is a little to spiky for me, but when Colin Farrell doesn't look like he rolled out of a gutter, we call it a victory. And speaking of glasses, Colin Farrell wears some very cute wire-rims in In Bruges, and I would recommend renting it just for how adorable he looks in those scenes.
Aaron Eckhart wins the George Clooney Award for Excellence in Formal Menswear, presented on occasions that ol' Cloons, with the help of Armani, doesn't show up and put all the other men to shame with his debonair hotness. I like how Eckhart combined the expected bowtie with some subtle patterns on the label; it shows that he, or his stylist, has excellent taste and isn't just wearing the basic awards show tux.

Man Cardigans

I love men in cardigans. I also love John Krasinski. So imagine my delight at seeing this:
It's John Krasinski, rocking a man cardigan! Hot! And hanging out with Angela Kinsey! Cute!
Krasinski has a great "I may be a rising Hollywood star, but I majored in English at Brown" look, and cardigans fit perfectly with his style. You have to have confidence to wear a cardigan, because there's always a risk you'll look like a grandfather or an annoying hipster.


When in doubt, go J.Crew (I should get that tattooed backwards on my stomach, so I can see it in the mirror every time I get dressed). Every girl within 50 miles will be dying to snuggle with the guy in this cashmere cardigan, $248. Also, can I say that my feelings towards this J.Crew model are the same as Michael Scott's towards the chair model in the episode "Chair Model"? If I wasn't so afraid of looking pathetic, I'd admit that, based on how he looks in sweaters, I'm about 90% sure that this guy is my soul mate. If I found out that he was also an Olympic swimmer, I'd be about 100% sure.

This model isn't quite as cute, but perhaps more of a regular dude will inspire this blog's male readers (the few, the proud). The rugby-stripe merino cardigan, $89.50, is a more sporty option, good for those who want to avoid looking like Chuck Bass. The wide stripes in classic blue and black are a perfect compliment to the more adventurous cardigan shape.

Here's a cardigan that's similar to the grey one J.Kras is wearing in the second photo, and this cotton-cashmere tipped cardi is just $39. I'm a fan of cotton-cashmere blends, because they're a bit lighter (good for layering in the fall) and they're machine washable (good for when your mistress inevitably leaves a lipstick mark on your collar).

You might have noticed that all these guys are wearing cardigans over t-shirts, but there's a more dressed-up option. I wish I could find a photo that doesn't have this silver-haired model, but Grandpa will have to do. The solid cotton-cashmere cardigan, $49, is a classic option, and it looks even better over a basic blue button-down. This is a great casual Friday option, I think.

This isn't a cardigan, but as long as I'm adventuring through the men's department: I am in love with this sweater vest. The Auburn-stripe sweater vest, $39, is not at all twee or corny, like some ill-informed people seem to think sweater vests can be. It's just effortlessly adorable.


And to bring this post back to where it started: John Krasinski, you are an inspiration to men everywhere.

Men's Watches

In case you're wondering, I do take requests. I may take a few weeks to get around to it, but if you ask for some men's watches then I will find you some men's watches.

Personally, I'm a huge fan of digital watches. I've worn them for so long that I've basically forgotten how to read the hands of an analog clock-- well, I know how to do it, but I'm usually too lazy to sit and figure out what numbers the hands are pointing to and what that means. Digital watches will tell you the time instantaneously, and to the very second. Plus, I'm a big fan of the light-up display, timers, alarms, and other gadgets that are on most digital watches.

From Timex, this Ironman Triathlon 30-Lap watch, $50, is a perfectly basic sporty watch. You can wear it to the gym, don't have to take it off when you shower, and the dark grey colors won't attract any negative attention. But it's pretty boring, right?

The Ironman Triathlon 50-Lap Sleek watch, $70, upgrades the same essential features with a face that reminds me of a superhero costume. Is costume the right word? Should I say uniform? I need to brush up on all my superhero terminology before I go see Iron Man, The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk, and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (their superpowers are in a pair of magical jeans!).

The non-sleek Ironman Triathlon 50-Lap (Timex isn't very good at naming their watches), $80, looks pretty standard, if a little reminiscent of a tank, until you see that it has a pair of hands on top of the digital display. That's so ridiculously pointless and stupid that I can't help but love it! I guess part of the reasoning is that you can set them to different time zones, if, for instance, you do a lot of business with people in Japan and find addition too complicated. Sidenote: I've always been fascinated by how all the watches sold on the Timex website are set to the same date and time. I like to think that there was a team of designers spending years debating which time is most aesthetically pleasing and therefore more likely to sell watches.

My last digital watch, from Kenneth Cole, definitely has analog envy. It could be good, though, because from a distance you won't be able to tell this is a digital watch. I also like the band (leather with nylon inserts), which I think would make this more fitting than the plastic watches for more formal occasions, and yet still make it comfortable enough for everyday wear and maybe even working out. The Stop Me Now watch (see, KC is better with names) is $95.

Alright, so although I think digital watches are the best invention ever, let's be honest: if you want to be thought of as a man of taste, class and sophistication, you have to wear an analog. Digitals are for guys, analogs are for men. Do you think James Bond wore a digital watch? No, he wore an analog that also had some sort of laser designed to undress women (sorry, I couldn't find that exact watch so you'll have to undress women the old-fashioned way, with your teeth).

I feel that I should say a few words about price. I don't think that, as a college student, you need to spend hundreds of dollars on a watch. You don't need Swiss-engineered precision or a ruby encrusted face or anything platinum, do you? Sure, it'd be a great to have a watch that'll last your entire lifetime, but there's a good chance that the watch you love at 21 isn't going to be the watch you love at 41. So I say, don't spend more than $200 at the very most, and save the super luxe watch for the future. That way, you can either a) buy it for yourself when you get that big raise and corner office, or b) let your rather uncreative fiancee buy it for you as a wedding present, with something like "I'm yours for all time," or "Our love is timeless," or "Every minute spend together is heaven" engraved on the back.

The Dress Watch with Bracelet Strap, $60, looks a lot more expensive than it is. I love the navy blue face against the stainless steel frame and band-- it says, "I'm serious, but I'm not boring. I'll finish these PTS reports for you, but then we're going to go out for happy hour. I may also be engaging in some light embezzlement, but you don't need to worry about it."

At first, the only reason I picked this watch was because the green color reminded me of how, yesterday, I saw someone waiting at the bus stop wearing a green sweatshirt with the hood up, and I thought it was Tim so I started to wave, and then realized it was actually a girl. But beyond the potential for Tim and that girl to match their watch to their hoodies, I think the Expedition Rugged Field watch, $70, is a very young, outdoors-y take on what could be a serious watch. The white hands on the dark green face, the steel frame with leather strap-- I find the unexpected combinations really fun. And if you're still not convinced, according to Timex, extreme outdoor adventurists like Conrad Anker wears this type of watch! The drawback, though, is that you really can't pull this sort of watch off when you're older than 25 or 26. If you work at Google or Pixar, maybe, but if you work in a law office than you're going to need to ditch the green watch.

I don't know whether I actually like this watch, but I felt it was necessary to include a rectangular faced watch. From Kenneth Cole, the Croc-Embossed Leather Strap Watch, $85, is sort of pleasing in its simplicity. I don't like watches without numbers, though; the worst fucking watches in the world are the super-minimalist ones without any notches at all, so if someone asks what time it is you have to say, "Well, it's some time between 3:15 or 3:30. Or maybe it's 4:20. I'm not really sure. Let me check my cell phone."

This Fossil Multifunction Sport watch, $95, is kind of intimidatingly monochromatic. All that silver-- it's a little much, but you'll never had any problems matching it (unless you wear a lot of gold chains).

I'm in love with the partially exposed inner clockworks on the Multifunction Twist watch, $115, also from Fossil. Sure, you could argue that all the different dials and hands make this watch a bit confusing to read, but it looks so cool! It's so intricately crafted, in sort of an old-fashioned way. I also like the understated brown leather band; it's very unpretentious.

But add a few inches to that band, and it becomes a rather pretentious wrist cuff. But still, this Diesel Leather Band Watch, $120, does well with its trendiness. The oversized steel face frame is very attention grabbing, and I like dark navy face as well. I think this could be a good watch for going out on weekends, when you want to look good but not like you're trying too hard.

Or, if you like the look of the cuff but don't want to commit to it full time, you can get the GUESS Men's Copper Dial Interchangeable Bracelet Watch Box Set, $95.00. I think this is genius (I'm a fan of all reversible or convertible or otherwise changeable clothing or accessories, because then I can justify spending more money on it). You can wear the silver band to work, then switch the face into the leather cuff for after hours. And the rectangular face is so classic that it'll look good with either band.

The Kenneth Cole Just a Second watch, $149.99, is somehow both a bit feminine and a bit grandfatherly. But those qualities are exactly what I always look for in potential hook-ups, so I think this watch is sweet. The multi-colored numbers and notches are especially interesting.


The Fossil White Twist watch, $125, is pretty cool with the blue accents on the silver, but let's take a closer look at those smaller dials. Is that right dial maybe supposed to be military time, with the 24 hour clock? And maybe the big middle dial is for the day of the month, although I don't know how that'll work out in months with 31 or 28 days. The left dial, though, is a mystery. Could it be a compass bearings? No wait, I just realized that the second number was 15, not 75, so that dial has to be counting seconds, minutes, or hours. But... isn't that what the main dial is for? Is this a backup watch inside your watch? So odd.

I won't lie, online shopping for watches is not that exciting. It's not as bad as shopping for men's jackets, but it's still rather a snore. But occasionally I'll come across a watch so ugly that it makes me remember why the internet is the best invention ever.

Inspired, I guess, by Jerry Garcia, this Coppertone Printed Dial Watch, $35.99, is undeniably fugly from the first glance. But, if you can stomach it, look a little closer.

Faces! Little creepy faces of the damned on your watch!