I am the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you?

I think, deep down, every girl under age 40 still wants to be a ballerina. But not the "Oh, I have deformed feet and never eat!" kind of realistic ballerina, but the Jodie Sawyer "Solo on stage to The Way You Make Me Feel and then bend down, pop up wearing red pointe shoes, completely different make up, and cornrows" kind of ballerina. Actually, maybe I just really like Center Stage.

But anyway, I was walking around Famous Footwear with my sister yesterday, because if there's one thing I believe in it's discount shoes. The goal was cute Mary Janes, but then I saw some shoes that instantly brought to mind that ballerina classic, the pointe shoe. But instead of the typical ballet flat, it had a great wooden heel! And yes, I know that real pointe shoes don't have a bow and pleating, but you can see the inspiration, right?

Online I could only find the Steve Madden Lexi Heel, $25 in store and $44.99 online, in black, but this shoe also comes in a pale pink (if you want to go very literal with the ballerina thing), and then a deep rich purple. It's kind of like the color of this dress, which I'm positively lusting over. Yes, it's way too slutty for me to ever wear in public (in addition to the deep v-neck, it's backless), but it's hot, right? And on sale from $215 to $54! I found the Tart Vixen Halter dress at Revolveclothing.com, which is the website Mindy Kaling recommended in her latest post on spats (and the less said about the spats, the better).